wat is left by little sq~

little green alien by cousin sis for xmas..





a mahjong card set xmas present that it is a must for me to get through luckydraw..gift by laiyee~hehe


books by ping for xmas~




the last pic already look blurry...

above are the last few pictures took using the little nokia sq that has been following me since i was in my uni years..

it has bid goodbye to me last week as the specialist says, it can't be rescued and it is it's time to go......it has served well..

well done, sq~ i shall miss all our good times..thanks for everything..

p/s: *sign* need to spend again to get another good cam...how.....

sunway lagoon...

when was the last time u visted sunway lagoon?


hehe i enjoyed mine because i have them wit me... thanks guys.. :)

jus a note..

this photo was taken last few weeks with Edmond Leung..he is d sweetest, most humble, down to earth and truly friendly artiste I've ever met, he do not classified you as a crew but as someone in a team with him..he do not classified you as a passer by but he took the initiative to acknowledge your present by remembering you and meeting your eyes whenever he talked not only to his own hk crews but including us too....remember how I praised Harlem Yu sometime ago..yea, Edmond is unbelievely nice!..he's on top of my chart now hahahaha but of cox it doesn't mean the rest are not as good as he is just that he really am nice and worth every credits given to him.. :) hahaha m gonna get his cd for him to sign for his coming concert at genting with ronald cheng...must support him la~~

Oh yea, i met Jacky Cheung as well as a fan and not part of the crew...wat a waste..if only my company gets to be the organizer for his coming concert...am so excited to c hi and yes though as a " kor san" he is indeed profeesional and extremely friendly, humble, nice and funny hehehe..i manage to c him upclose and even shook hand with him and get his album signed..hehehehe i realli sounds like a fan hehehehe i met my junior Shinsar at the meet the fans at sg wang kekeke so next time where there is stars, there is shinsar kekeke it ryhms man...hehehe btw i went there with another crazy fan of jacky,eechia... :)

how i wish i can post a pic of my cd here but my camera has officially pronouced "dead" last week when i took it to the specialist..haih...my handphone is sending signals of "dying" soon too...no money la!!dun give up first can a??? am struggling in between getting a camera and a handphone...aha! u must be thinking i can get a handphone with camera function, but they dun usually come with the "focus" or other special functions as camera has...so am thinking to get either one...am still thinking...

oh back to the exact point that i actually wanna highlight in this post kekeke...c the different between the date i took pic with edmond and vanness wu..hahhaa vanness wu pic was 3 weeks back before i took pic with edmond kekeke..

Jus wanna post it about it cause i looked realli round at that time..kekeke



vanness is ok as well but a bit quiet and i wasn't truly a fan of f4 so ok lol..not bad...

jus ignore this..

for no practical reason i am not feeling too good today as i woke up...nothing seems to be going well thought nothings seems to really GONE BAD either..but seriously i can't realli recal when was the last time i actually felt burden lifted and trully happy..

mayb it's just because of myself entirely, i was not happy with this and that..at the same time i can't figure out what i actually wanted in my life..if only i can see or even picture what lies ahead for me..or what is my goal, my aim, my wishes..i hate living in doubt...yes, my blog has eventually become a place where i rant mostly about unhappy things which is bad...i know things are not good..temper has been getting from bad to worst..i dun like who i am nowadays..spare me pls..

i wanted to find somthing to do, to do something that i truly like, somehting that will paint a smile on my face...i used to love rearranging my room,cleaning, packing, sewing and reading..yes i sound like a "yellow face lady" but now mayb because of work, i find it hard to find that sort of energy again to continue my interest...

i love dancing, dancing makes me happy apart from helping me to lose weight..hehehe am toying with the idea to go for a dancing class but again the fees and the idea of going alone ain't realli encouraging..God, what i wanna do with my life???? must realli try to discover my happiness from another source soon or else this blog is soooo gonna die from depression..

sorry for my blog no longer bring happiness but ranting, i know it is frustrating.,i promise to find back myself soon for the sake of the ppl around me and for the sake of myself too... no worry, i know, i can identify and i am aware of my problems.. shall sort it out asap.. God, i pray and ask for the courage and please show me your way..

hate it whenever "aunty" came for a visit..she always manage to screw up my mind, emotion and body.. man, i need a rest..

Dear all, excuse me if i sound like i am complaining this and that about my life but hopefully this is jus another phase of my life..shall grow out of it it soon..i hope...jus ignore it k, am jus ranting to get it out from my system..no worry..

I WANNA CHANGE!!! I WANT SOMETHING NICE,HAPPENING AND MEANINGFUL AGAIN IN MY LIFE!!! I WANT MY OLDSELF BACK!!!!!
THERE!!!!

a call

i received a call this morning..

me: hello

ds: hello, is that tasha?

(ain't u suppose to say, good morning, may i speak to tasha pls?make sure the good morning and PLEASE are there..that's d basic courtesy one must have especially when you are not talking to your fren and yes, especially when that person have not even the slightest idea why you called and who the heck are you. )

me: yes i am, wat can i do for you?

ds: my name is ds and i'm connie's colleague.

(ain't u suppose to say, hi , my name is ds .I'm calling from xxx magazine, and i am connie's colleague. Connie gave me your phone number and perhaps you can help me to do a simple street interview. First, she din explain who she is, second she din mention where is she from and lastly the big prob is, if it is a street interview, y r u calling me? i'm obviously in the office not on the street. Plus, how sure are you that i only have a fren by the name connie??)

me: ok...then?

ds: will you be going to sunway pyramid this sat?

me: i might be going to sunway lagoon with my frens but not to the pyramid.

ds: then can you pls bring as many frens as you can?

(ain't u suppose to say, I will be doing a street interview at sunway pyramid and i was wondering if you will be there this sat?

i think wat she actually meant was not street interview but rather a focus group...because she needs to know the number of frens tat i will be bringing for her to prepare her stuff.. if it is street interview, you jus have to do it LIVE, there's no one to call, make appointment with ppl and lastly instruct them to go all the way to sunway jus to let you do the interview with NO CHARGE AT ALL..
moreover, i do not OWE you any damn favor and so do my frens..my frens and I have no obligation to go to pyramid jus to meet up wit you and especially when you can't differentiate between focus group n street interview......or perhaps it is a street interview then it is your job to make it clear and explain to me at the very beginning on y you choose to call, make appointment and etc with interviewee and this is actually the process of what you mean by street interview)

me: huh?!! bringing my frens too?

ds: yes, what time will you be there? can you give me a specific time?

me: i'm not sure wat time we will go there, so i can't confirm with you on the time.

ds: but at least can you give me a time?

me: miss, i can't confirm d time for u as i said, i dunno wat time i'l be there..

ds: then i will be there around 10am and will stay for about 1-3 hours. y dun u call me when u r there?

(ain't you suppose to say, i will be there around 10am and will stay for about 1-3 hours but i will give you a call on sat morning to see if you will be somewhere around sunway at that time. Perhaps i can come and find you...

note, you dun ask an interviewee to call u, u call up to the interviewee bcox u r asking for a favor, u should do follow-up with your case..i dun mind helping, infact i wil try to help as much as i can bcox they are my fren's colleague, my fren's frens are my frens 2.....i have experiences helping my fren's colleague for interview too but if this is d way u r asking for a help..then forget it..sorry to my frens, u guys are great but i jus dun think i can help your fren..paiseh ya~)

me: huh?! call u? y dun you call me?

ds: ....oh mayb i'l call you again on sat.

me: ok, bye.

if this girl is to be in my so-called hell office, or even as my junior..she will not look good, trust me...

btw, i thought she is just a trainee but i jus happens to find out that the girl is actually an editor..

p/s: perhaps i've left the world of journalism too long...i no longer understand the process and style of it..so if i am wrong, please forgive me.. but, my stand is, i still think she should have explain more..

p/s 2: this is no good, my job has caused me to develope a bad habit which i call " the tendency to correct ppl and found that silly mistakes irritates me big time" ..

thanks to ah wong from my office..nowadays, keeping my temper and patient is getting harder..poor editor..but again those mistakes can hardly be accepted especially when they are from someone who is so rich with experiences, logically speaking..that's my stand.

p/s 3: to my frens, i hope i'm not to harsh on this..pls know that if it is within my ability, my help will always be available for you guys..unless, u know..like this case..

same dream

since last week i've been having nightmares..nightmares that leaves me awake and disturbed at night...sleeping has eventually becoming something that i dun look forward these few days especially tonight.. i'm afraid of falling asleep, entering the dream, the same dream that had been continously played every night as if it was a series of drama..

in my dreams everything seems so dark and everything seems so dead..i have an uneasy feeling throughout the dream and i heard people calling my names...i tried to wake up but again my dreams seems too real that i can't seems to leave my dream..i told Monica about the nightmare that's been disturbing me endlessly..Monica is my colleague..

in my dream, i saw this little chinese girl..she was about 6 years old and she has her hair tightly banded into a ponytail and she wore a white dress with white lace stoking and white shoes..i'm not sure if i had ever see this girl before, but for unknown reason i was angry at her...she seems to know me and realise that i was angry but she looked calm..she has this pair of piercing eyes that looked straight through me, sending a shiver down my spine..

i guess, i was angry, i was really angry because i was afraid..i was really afraid..

every night, i saw her running in a building and i was chasing her but i don't why...until last night..i finally saw the building..it has a big field in front with old cars parked distantly from one and another..the sky looked gloomy and as though it was about to rain, there were wind blowing and the place, the building and the cars looked old as though it has been left for a very long long time.....there was no one there except for the girl and last night she pointed to a direction that left me frozen...i saw the sign of "hospital"..

i was at a hospital...and someone just died. i was realli afraid, i dreamt about coffins and dead people before but last night it was really real..i wanted to wake up but i can't..i just can't..then i heard my name again...then i woke up..rachel called me...it was already 9am today and i need to follow her to damansara height to do my passport..

i feel so uneasy..

just as i was typing this post, trying to figure out who is the little girl..at the corner of my eyes, i saw a white shadow ran across in the mirror and this is not the first time..

she has been visiting.

heart vs brain

have you ever wonder how strong can you be? what is the limitation to your patient? are you bad tempered? are you a panic freak?

i'm an emotional junk..i absorbed all kinds of emotional strongly..i cried when i'm unhappy..i shed tears easily..i laughed when i'm happy, i go crazy easily..i live my life with my heart and not with my brain..i dun think much as i always believe feel it wit your heart and you will hear what your heart tells you..sometimes, we ignore what our hearts tells us as our brain has been formatted in such a way that we ought to think and act rationally..

i hate it when my brain sounds louder than my heart..

dun mind me..i'm just rambling out of boredom..

things will be fine..

the sunlight from my window woke me up today, i dun feel good..i feel depressed infact.. i dun talk much recently, i guess i was speechless..there seems nothing worth to be talked about..i feel like a dead body waking up every morning, going to the hell office that i hold such a strong hatred and grudge against it..where is my soul? where are all my thoughts? where are those hopes and imaginations that motivates me to work hard and continue to stay strong and braved through all those disasters moments in the office?

the sound of children laughing and splashing water from the swimming pool next to my block greets me morning..how i wish i can be a kid once more where life seems less complicated..last night it was the same, i heard some kids were talking and joking downstairs..the sound of see-saw and swings..they seems to be having fun there..

things will be fine..

hope things will be fine for you too...

apologies for not being able to update as frequent as possible..

life is in a mess
or rather in a turning point.
life is uncertain now
i need some time..
cause only time will pass
will bury and will clear all the tears.

re-adjusting my life piriority
perhaps in that way
things will be hopeful and beautiful once again..

at times, perhaps is the dream that we which to achieve
that makes life seems worthwhile to fight for
that gives us a secret energy to hold on and be strong under all circumstances

when dreams are shattered
hopes are gone
as cruel as it sounds
life still goes on..

i just need time
to dream again
to be hopeful again..

no worry, i'l be alright
i just need some time..

dream

Last nite I had a dream, a pretty much weird dream as I can’t recall having any dreams happening at SM Convent before.In the dream, I was on my way to school. As we came nearer to the main gate, I actually saw an accident by the roadside in between SRK Convent and SM Convent. I think somebody was killed as I saw people carrying caskets, one for adult and one a smaller one for a child.

It was Ping who drove me to school. I saw him in the car but I was sitting at the back. Some girl was sitting next to him. I guess I was too in hurry to go to school that I actually feel happy to be at the back. Trust me, if it’s in reality, I’ll definitely habiskan him…okok mayb habiskan myself instead, who knows? The fault might be at my side…

Anyway back to the dream, I entered the main gate near the canteen and the corridor was empty. It was a gloomy evening. The very next minute, I was in a classroom with all my secondary buddies. I dreamt about us, the whole gang of us at SM Convent.

We were in the class, which is
- Near to the softball field in the middle of the school,
- The class next to the stairs going up to F3 biology class.
- The class that is near to the tamil school’s canteen.
- The class that…I wonder if u guys know which class that I am talking about..

Nevertheless, I guess we were in f3 as we were not in our pengawas, pengawas kantin or even pengawas perpustakaan uniform. But again, funny as it may sound, we were all actually attending ‘Fizik’ class, I guess la, as I saw Mr.Tan a.k.a Nobita standing in front talking kekekeke.

We were giggling and laughing at the back then I woke up…

Despite the accident that happened at the early part of the dream, I really do miss the fact that we were having fun in the class. I really wonder what we chatting about, we seems to be having so much fun and indeed we had a great time back in SM Convent. I enjoyed my schooling years, I shared so much wonderful experiences with all the girls and I do miss every laughter, tears and arguments that we had.

Those wonderful overnite, basketball training, volleyball training, JV marching, campings, choir and endless etc etc etc.

Thank you buddies for making 'growing up stage' a wonderful one..

i think i'm in love..

i had once fallen in love with someone else when i was dating my bf, ping. I know how wrong and unwise it was..it's a shame when u know how to advise and even scolded frens that are stepping into the wrong path but i guess it's true, no one can see themselves as clear as others do..i failed to see my own mistake and it failed to control the heart that leads me to him... i didn't make up any excuses or even blaming anyone for what i did, i had even told ping about him..

sometimes i wonder, will ping leave me one day eventually afterall, my heart doesn't seems to be with him all the time..

those butterflies and silly smiles..i found myself stupid at times when i realised i am actually smiling while walking back from lunch / going home..it is so embarrasing but i can't control myself.. i think i'm in love again with someone else..

The feeling was amazing..it kinda lifted up my day, brighten up my life and even sweeten every little things in my life..everything seems so beautiful..he truly capture my heart..entirely and deeply..as i was typing this, i have a sense of guilt as i mentioned to ping again..causing him another heart break..

But as i always said, if you realli love someone, you should say it out before it's too late..

i'm in love with him..

hahahahahahhahahahhahaha I AM SOOOOOOO MADLY IN LOVE WITH BI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG, he was sooooo amazing!!! no doubt that his dancing moves are slightly alike with MJ's but he has his own charms and skills that truly deserved laud applauded. He's humble and he's cute, DEFFINATELY! His concert is the best that i've seen so far..from the stage, to the effects and his well choreographed dance moves, and his occasionally shy smiles.. man,he drives me nuts! realli he did.. he was awesome..he makes me smile silly -ly hehehe

i think i am in love~

this pic was taken from google..too bad he din unbutton his shirt in KL..how sad..

His concert was great and so were his songs..he called his fans 'his babies" kakaka though knowing this is only part of the gimmick but hey, i dun mind cox that will make me his baby too kakakakakakkakak u know whenever he starts dancing, i can't help but scream!!!!!!!! i screamed the whole nite neh..my god, he reali catch your breath away..oh dear ~ i think i'm in love~

tell u a secret kekeke, since the BSB's and Michael & Victor's posters on my wall back in my secondary years, I have already left those 'small girl' period long long long time ago.... now, i actually have his poster in my KL bedroom kakakakakakak

this is d poster i had in my room kekeke c those muscles..kekeke

i first notice about him in the drama fullhouse which i believe many has seen it..i used to think he's cute but i din't know i'l fall for him.. man, even when i'm typing this i feel like a kid..a silly one kakakakakka

i am sooooooooo happy muahahahah muahahahahahah MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i think i'm crazy in love with him..my bi.. "bi is rain in korean neh~"

can die man!

my concert tic hehe

rambling..

I am a pieces and I live in my own world. Rich with imagination, I can easily picture the invisible agendas happening even with my eyes wide open. At times, I am thankful that I have another world in my mind that I can let myself go and search for comfort that the real world doesn’t have.

Some might think I am being ignorant. Running away from the fact and the concealing the ugliness of world’s reality. But again, it could be a positive way of living where I am learning to see things more optimistically. As the saying goes, everything starts from a dream. I read from a book called something like the 9 essential elements in successful love and life. One element that I really like was with talent and desire, dreams will come true.

As we work, we might not realize what lies beneath us, as we tend to bury all our dreams under the piles of work and occupied with the business of life. Been toying with the idea to do something recently, something that might help me to realize my talent as well as fulfilling my desire. As I mentioned the phrase ‘to realize my talent’, I happen to realize another thing, I seems to know what my talent is or talents are but at the same time I wonder if I am talented at all? Is there anything I can do without much difficulty, or am I just merely doing things thinking that is my talent when in actual nothing perfects comes out of it. Or as the saying goes, talent needs brushing up. Am i brushing up it right? or do i have a talent to brush up?

Growing up is certainly not easy. Do you find yourself thinking who you are and what can you do about your life? Do you just live yourself as how it is or do you actually know what and how you want your life to be? Many times, obstacles and challenges come, leaving you fighting to struggle and to overcome it, either you parish, survived or even celebrate your victory with glory. Every of these time, you learn, you grow and you understand the way of life.
Life experiences they called it.

The richer your life experiences are, the richer your life would be.
The richer your life experiences are, the more cunning you’ll be?
The richer your life experiences are, the wiser you will be?
The richer your life experiences are, the lonelier you’ll be?

Anyone close to me will think that I tend to think too much, thinking the unnecessary. Thinking things like what I am writing here now, complicating myself, conflicting my own thoughts, principles and feelings. Yes, I can be very complicated. How bout you?

Do you know what I was imagining this morning as I walked into the lift? I was thinking what the heck was the lift stopping at 4th floor for so long ( I stayed at 3rd floor) when there’s no one in the lift when I stepped in.

Then immediately my brain tells me, the lift was opened for the invisible residents of the building and yes, I am in the same lift as they are.

Brilliant when you have a brain that functioned and imagined so fantastically.

..

Come to think of it, everytime I need to blog, I found that I have the tendency to start off with “ It’s been long ever since I blogged”

Guess once you’ve left the blog for a certain period of time, you will no longer have ‘that much’ of things to ‘say’ again. Or mayb it is because, I have infact nothing much to say..afterall, life now is nothing but work work work n work.

With almost the whole day of your life are being spent in the office, what else do you get you c? Looking back at my previous post, I released that I used to have a fun life, my posts sounded happy and there’s a lot of daily-life photos taken. It truly reflects how I was at that moment. Even the kind of English that I used to write sounded better than what I am using rite now. The flair doesn’t seem to be there anymore. My posts even sounded ‘pointless’. But am not saying that my english and writing was that good in the past.

This is no good, since working, there seems to be less and less thankful and happy post. Guess, people tend to forget how to be grateful. Come to think of it, there are couple of personal things that I am grateful and thankful of. If you guys remember I once mentioned that my mum as diagnosed with Hepatitis C when I was in F6,that was about 5 years back. The good news is my mum is officially cleared from the virus after all the painful and heart-aching injections she took including those long-journey traveling from tpg to selayang hospital. Thank God, all these have finally come to an end.

Couldn’t be thankful enough, I really should go to church one Sunday as my prayers has always been answered. Hasn’t been a really good mutton though..soli soli I mean lamb, lamb of God hehehe.

Secondly, my ever mysterious and quiet bf finally has opened up himself and actually ‘talked’ to me…hehehe he never like to disclose wat was he thinking, how was he feeling and things like that. I know, it’s different for guys to talk and to express themselves, but hey do you really think we are the‘worms in your heart’? mai siao la! He doesn’t actually started talking like a chatter box but at least he share with me what he has been thinking. He actually has his own financial planning and it is good to hear that he actually did some research and keeping his ears an eyes open for opportunities. It might sounded silly, but to me, it gives me a sense of security as it will be meaningless to follow a guy who has no planning and thoughts for future. But this is just merely my own opinion.

There are some other kind of blessings that was showered upon me. Working life has been improving and * finger crossed* I hope this environment will continue to growth better and better. It is really a situation where “ it’s a blue sky after a rain”.. aiya in Chinese it’s called “yu guo tian qing” la..

Better go home now, I have a date with myself to go swimming hehehe.

Till then, hopefully I can update more frequently..

so far away.

Innocent days seems so far away..





Feel the heart..something not everyone know how to do..

faces of wuliaoness

faces of wuliaoness along the journey from klia-genting-klia-ipoh-kl-.......etc etc

last one..

Last weekend was Liu Chia Chang In Concert and it was officially the last show that I will be handling because there will be new colleagues coming in to help with the show operation. Thus, my days as temporary operation exec are over hehehe.

A part of me feels glad, a part of me do miss the fun. After all, who else gets to see everything behind the scene, from the production to artiste’s behavior, to their likes and dislikes. Some artistes are real fun, some are real nice, and some are real …., u know and some are just simply fantastic...

But again, those endless calls regardless of whether the time and day, as well as the tensed up life are rather torturing.


*stary stary*..
from left to right,
tony orlando (he actually came down the stage n grab me to take picture with him while he's singing, kakaka funny guy), michelle pan( wonderful singer and totally humble),andrew tan he's kinda friendly also, he looked much more handsome than he is in tv..harlem yu, man, wat else can i say hehehe

yuya (soft spoken and she do not like to have assistant following her aorund,so basically she used to travel alaone, for an artiste, sometimes you'll wonder how can she make it? i mean what about d luggages and stuff..) maria cordero, Fei Ma..hahahaha she's very very funny and very down to earth as well, she's very motherly i would say and very professional 2..frances yip, man, powerful and classy..the moment she starts the first tune of 'Shanghai Beach', you can actually feel goose bumps all over your body..wasai..kakakak.. Elisa Chan, this is the petite yet powerful singer that i have been telling, she's d one who refer me as her friend and she never forgets to always call me and include me in everything even during photo shooting..

sometimes when u work hard, it's nice that ppl appreciate and remember you..her assistant pou kor was great too..truly..next is, Ray Lui Leung Wai, famous for his character in once famous TVB drama 'Shanghai Beach'..for someone at his 50s..he is truly handsome and well 'preserved' hehehe very very smart..

fong fei fei, i dind't manage to follow her for her concert n pre-concert promotion, thus is will be unfair for me to comment much, but one thing for sure, she has the fairest skin i've ever seen..twins, as i've written about them b4 so no need to bla bla here again la..hehehe tsai chin, she has the voice that will leave you remembering her always, many of us may know her through the song "shi sui" in the Infernal Affairs where Tony Leung was testing the stereo, yea, she's that singer..and finally, Jacky Heung..he's a newcomer and he's d son of Mr. Heung Wah Keung, the actor who acted as the bodyguard (Long 5 - Cantonese) for Chow Yuen Fatt in 'God of Gamble' long long time ago..

There are two more artistes that i've met but i didn't manage to take picture with them..

Anita Sarawak, better known as Kak Nita has the most interesting and energetic stage performance..she completely shines on stage..Sandy Lam, she has the most perfect skin and she is truly beautiful, not only that, though i jus assisted her for a short period of time, she actually make the effort to screen down the car window, nod and wave goodbye to me as she was leaving..

my faithful company in the lonely hours..

my precious phone..

my magic bag..

the usual 'juice' i take~

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other than the pic with Harlem, this is another nice guy i met recently, Jordan Chan hehehe

u know, b4 i met him, i heard rumours that he is rather hard to take care off as he is rather bad tempered..but it turns out that, he is rather nice, pretty cute in fact..hehe u know, when we first meet, we talked nothing else but nonsense like u know 'how's yr flight, how's this n that, have you ever been to genting n stuff' just to break the ice..

But wat actually broke the ice is, when all of a sudden he asked me a quest which i wasn't sure of the answer..he asked "do ppl who migrate to msia has the citizenship?"..huh?! i was dumbfounded..er...got ppl wanna migrate to msia one meh???er...er... er..

then i babble la..not sure if i manage to give him the answer as i'm not sure if that is that answer as well..hehehehe lols..wasn't prepared for it at all...

after the concert, the following day, i was the one who send him to his limo to airport at 6.30am in the morning..like Sandy, he actually make the effort to bend down ( as his assistant is blocking his view) to wave goodbye to me..hehehe so nice hehehe

Despite everything, in conclusion, I would say this love-n-hate job is rather interesting.

on the way back from airport.. finally it's over..

phone-phobia

Am i the only one who is afraid of the phone, afraid if there's someone at the end of the line telling you that there are tons of BIG problems with your arrangements/projects/ideas/work etc?

There's a kind of person who love to exaggarate stuffs, making up stories and creating stress for ppl...such ppl's call always leads me feeling miserable as their calls always equals to bad news... but this week is different..

this is the first weekend that i feel no pressures at all..

a weekend where the heart finally beats normally..

a week where the phobia towards the phone's ringing stop for good....oh how peaceful~

truly heaven..

finally the sky is clear again..


*pic from smartie taken at pd from our room's balcony

Thank God for answering my prayer.. :)

in such a good mood to blog nonsense hehehe nite nite everybody~ sleep well..sweet dreams..

smile...things will be alright again..

been realli bz these days, so bz that i hardly have time to meet up with everyone, i miss everybody..

ever since working, i guess most of us go through all kinds of emotions..sadness, dissapointments, fear, doubts, anger.. but along the way i guess we realli grow up...i myself, am stil learnin..step by step, mistakes by mistakes..

come to think of it, along this time, am glad to have a bunch of sohay to share it with me, guess we graduate together, we face the problems at the same time and we understand how each other feel cox we are in each other's position..

indeed, i must agree with rachel, whenever she's down, she will looked at our pictures and she know she will be alright.. last night i have the same feeling as i looked at the pictures..i smile, i laughed, i shed tears..tears of happiness..

So chel-chel, lai yee, cyen,smartie, seefong & chu..remember to smile..we have each other here..

cyen farewell

in chu's new car..



we went all the way up hill, jus to eat chicken rice cox it rained so heavily rite after we took the rice..wasted but fun heheh


cyen farewell at chu's place keke


see wat a gift she gave to us b4 she left..we got no choice but to bid farewell kakakakak

Recent trip to PD

3s bday!! 3s = sohay li yee, sohay see fong n sohay rachel

wat more can i say? sohay o~~~

self-help..

I used to think or rather i wonder y do ppl read and buy those 'self-help' books..i mean if you don't know how to live like a person and you have to depend on books written by others...wat life means then?

i saw once before a fren who reads how-to-love-a-person those kind of books, being a typical pieces, i believe it is about feelings and when you love that someone, you will know how to LOVE..you don't have to depend on the books afterall, where's the magic of love when it can be written down in words ?

But this past 6 months has not been easy for me, perhaps for some ppl, it is part of it, it is the way it is..

Without realising, i actually found myself standing in front of the 'self-help' shelf, looking at those rows of books, trying to find which one of them can 'open up my mind','save my exhausted heart' and 'strenghten my spirit'... at that moment, i was feeling truly helpless..

i took 3 books from that shelf..can't believe i am actually admiting it here.. but indeed, it did help to make me smile again, or at least feeling better once again..
perhaps true at certain situation, with spells there's magic..

From the experiences, i realise that i do changed and i do see things differently now...

From the books, I realise it does help me to think the way that i never thought before...let's just saw, i''ve think out of the box..ran out from that corner...

I do hope that this means that i do grow up, at least a little more compared to 6 months before today..

weekend.

i have always love sunday morning..the feeling when u wake up and the sunshines that shines brightly with birds singing in the sky...truely heaven..but, maybe because it is sunday that whenever i wake up, i can always see mum n dad in the living room.. :)

now that i am working, i love saturday as well as it is also the day i looked forward the most after work...i'm always in a better mood in the weekend, everybody too i think..

so, i went out last saturday to meet couple of unimates and like usual, i'm in one of my best mood..so happily i walked and sight-seeing along my way to midvalley (though there wasn't anything much to see) , i came across a young chinese guy at the masjid jamek lrt station..

he was tall, middle sized, he has four eyes (spectacles la~) and rather tan...not very handsome but ok la, those kuai kuai kinda looked guy..with a backpack next to him, i assume he must be some kinda college student, perhaps in his first year...he was standing alone at the stairs near to the ticket counter and he looked kinda shy and afraid to approach the passer-by..

for those who usually take lrt to work, you'l notice that there are a lots of ppl giving flyers and little pieces of paper guaranteed you a job where you can work from home and earns bulk of cash easily..yes, that guy was trying to give the flyers there..

i don't usually entertain them as i do think most of them are merely scam, i will usually wave no or casually say "no, thanks" and walked away...but looking at that guy being alone, student look-alike n everything, perhaps he was trying to earn some extra pocket money...so since the day looked so bright and me feeling relaxed cox it's a weekend, i decided to take the flyer (since he offered to me) hoping that he will finished his job soon and able to enjoy his saturday as how i was going to..

so i took the flyer and crossed the busy street and headed to the putra lrt.. out of curiosity, i read the flyer and instantly i regretted helping him..

the flyer stated.........

" hilangkan berat badan secara efektif, dijamin berkesan...."

happy birthday dear..

chloe my friend..

chloe n i are both potter mates, we talk so much about harry potter that we can start a forum on it..in fact, there are so many bizarre ideas, comments that we shared about the story which makes often burst into laughter as how silly and creative we can be.. :)

with chloe, i can almost talk anything to her, we can talk about studies, work, religion, friends, secondary wonderful stuff and etc etc etc..

it was really wonderful talking to her cox she will always give you reaction no matter what you said..i mean come on, how many people will start laughing from the moment you meet til the end ?! hahahahaha not only that where do you find people who will 'shoot' you with questionssss every two seconds of the conversation?! she wanted explanations from you in order to convince her to agree to what you had said..now, that sure brush up my persuasive skills hehehe at the same time, she makes me to think deeply and more about that particular issue..

but the ultimate bonus would most probably be her "ter-shocked" face hahahahaha when she's impressed/shocked/surprised, her facial expression of gasping- for-air is enough to tell you yes she is ter-shocked...

on the outside she looked quiet and shy but once you get to know here you know she can be very fun to be with...very much like all my "shy n quiet" friends...these group of people could give you a heart attack when they start shooting you back..

And it is so embarrassing today (29/10/06) when i called her up to tell her bout the last book of harry potter (HP n the half-blood prince) that i had jus finished, yea i know i am slow, but i can't wait to tell and talk about wit her that i had totally forgotten about her bday today!! man, it was sooooo embarrassing..i mean i dun mean to forget but i jus forget...sorry girl, dun mean it..really... i hope this compensate ya hehehe happy birthday!! may all yr dreams comes true and may everything goes smooth on 1/11 k.. ;)



p/s: btw, i had replied every single lovely person who left their comments on the precious posts...thank you again..

i am ok..

My dearest dad, mum and barry bro..

Thank you for listening to my problems and sharing them with me..
Thank you for being patient and supportive to everything that I do..
Thank you for the endless calls and words all the way and thank you for letting me know that you all care so much for me..knowing that i can always go home to you all..
Thank you so much for everything..
but Sorry for all the worries that I caused..

My dearest bro, Jerry

Thank you for the advice and words. It really did help me in thinking not only about the problem but seeing through the problem as well. Frankly speaking, never has it came across my mind to call u up and seek for your advice, maybe I was too lost not knowing what is happening as well..but after your call, I realized that I can always look for you for advice as like you say “I am ‘free’ (both free from time and money constraint hehehe) to call”..Thanks bro, thanks for taking time to talk to me..and same goes to you too, if ever u need me, I'l be there though I might not b able to help to solve yr prob, but I can cheer u up and share yr problem.. always :)thanks bro..thank you..

My dearest ping,

Thank you dear for being there for me..i know that you are not someone with a lot of words but thank you for making every effort to cheer me up and solving my problem..thanks for talking to me and letting me talk, whine n cry..thanks for always being there by my side and by the phone 24/7..thank you ;)

My dearest buddies-buddies, sista sista, heng tai heng tai and lou yau lou yau sekalian..

Your comments, calls, sms and emails really touched my heart..so glad and thankful to know that there's so many of you who cares..to the girls, your comments are like as though we are talking from heart to heart, face to face..i can actually felt your present and I know you all wanna encourage me n cheer me up..thank you girls..am grateful..really…..to the guys, Den there's no other way but to say thank you, your comments always makes me laugh cox u r damn crazy la..kekeke but really, thanks man..you have my full blessing to be wit SA kakakakak and to Jason; thanks for your advices man, though we do not really know each other but thank you for reaching out..thank you, appreciate..we should meetone day la :)

You know everytime when I am down,I realized that there are a lot of ppl who really care for me.. I feel really thankful and grateful to have my family and you different bunch of crazy ppl out there supporting and caring for me.. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.. Do know that I will always b there for you all just like how u guys were there for me always..

Will reply yr comments one by one ya..really bz these days..will find some time to meet each n everyone of you..thank you to everyone, jus wanna let you all know that I am ok, no worry k.. will be the crazy girl that you all know very soon..

not forgetting a person that i really need to thank.. thank you, sir..

*Prayer* Thank God for so many wonderful Angels around..May God bless these sweet angels..

Jus to let you guys know that i am ok..


now you see..


now you dun.. hehehe

till then..shall blog again asap k~~ take care everybody..

..

Dear rachel:

Girl, appreciate wat u r telling me..seriously without u ppl always there encouraging n supporting, it will be difficult..with you ppl around, i always believe nothing matters cox we have each other supporting one another during every meeting..

these days been realli complicated..i prepare myself for the real world but again i can't help thinking am i that weak? i hope i am not...knowing wat v have all gone through.. girl, i admire your courage and strenght..

when i get your call today, can't help feeling blessed to have you bunch reaching out to held me from falling.. thank you girls n guy (chu, one n only male with us)..thank you all for being there to support..am looking forward to c u ppl..

cyen drop me a msg too..both your msgs brought me to tears..thank you..

Dear bro;

i hope i did not disgrace the family as i had tried my best..i know i did..at times i feel like explaining because i hate the idea of ppl thinking that i am weak..i know i am not...i really did tried my best..

"Don’t forget, you are the only person who can decide…
What you want to be,
What you want to see,
What you want to hear,
What you want to learn,
What mood you want to have in each day."

i am always a happy girl because i choose to do what u say above, but God knows how far have i walked... how much have i done.. but guess it is not easy to learn how to to wear a mask when your heart is crying deep down inside..

it is really hard for me to make a decision, i dun wanna call it a quit, i wanna fight it through but knowing there's no point fighting..there's no point going to a dead end...never have it came across my mind that it came so early..never, i don't wat it to be..therefore, i am still thinking..but i am unhappy..

i've lost myself recently..i don't know should i be myself or should i learn to be someone else knowing this is how the real world is....

Thank you bro for the wording but again i hope i did not disgrace the family and did not disgrace you as your sister..i don't wan to disgrace the family..i don't want to.. please tell me what must i do?

Dear Jason;

Guess i learn everything, but i never manage to learn how to wear a mask..after this, will i wear a mask? i'm afraid that i will change, i don't like the one that i have to change to be..

bein g me..

my frens told me..i am a true fren, fren that they can always count..frens who will always be there..

they says when i am around, i bring happinss to them..

my lecturer told me, i am mature..i know how to think ..

artistes who know me as a normal working girl and one who refer me as her friend said i am an intellegent girl with a broad mind, one who see things that others don't see..to them, they see a bright future ahead of me..

i told my family, don't worry i know how to think...you can always have faith in me..

from them, i really thought i know how to carry myself

i thought i know who i am and who i wanna be..



but today, i lost the energy to walk, never once walking no longer helps..

i failed badly just because i choose to be who i am as wat i am to everybody..

i realised then, in working world, if you are not selfish enough, not cunning enough to get what you wan, not good enough to please even those who you hated, you can never survive ..

i can think, i can feel, i can see, i'm not stupid but i failed to safe myself just by being me..

i pray hard that i will not change..i dun wan to change to be someone that i am not..

being me earns me nothing...

or perhaps it is time to change?


p/s: there's so much to blog about but i really dun have the time..i miss my family and frens..
all the gals out there, u know who u r...pls, we must meet one day k~

poems and short phrases..

i used to write poems, short phrases...nothing grand, bombastic or even marvellous, they can't be called proper poem... they are jus simple words..words that tells what's deep inside the heart..

i believe alot in believing what our heart tells..have your ever encounter a situation where you r rational, you are able to think clearly but your heart knows better..it is the so call rational thinking that holds you back but your deep down you know wat you really wanted because your heart can tell..

think with your mind
feel it with your heart
for your heart sees what your mind don't

i lost quite a lot of them, some jus went into the dustbin while i'm clearing my room..some were written on my uni notes and off it goes along as i bid goodbye to my uni life..

at times, okok make it most of the time, there's grammar mistakes and etc etc but again i enjoy writing them...i dunno y, perhaps bcox i'm a pieces, a typical one in fact hehe..i write most of them when i am overwhelmed with sadness, happiness or gladness...when emotions turned complicated..

*the hearts that remembers
the gestures that enriched it*

-

*fears shall be conquere
challenge shall be over ride
for love is my guide*

i write for love, the love of my life..i write when love gets messy and when love sweeten and melted away all the pain... but sadly to say, i wrote them mostly when i'm down mayb because that is how i can express myself..afterall, who needs words when laughters said enough about happiness.. :)

i'm sorry..
for i took away the smiles and happiness..
replacing them with tears in the hearts
both in yours and mine..
wonder if u'll remember me always
or will u shower yr love upon another
the thoughts pain me deeply
perhaps letting go
is the only way to be

i write for friendship.. in friendship, i gain and i lost..i have many beautiful friendships, frens from primary sch, secondary, pre-uni and uni frens..we still keep in touch and i treasure everyone of them...they gave me strangth and support when i needed them the most...to name them, i can hardly finish bcox each and everyone of them are all my buddies, frens that i truly treasure..as wat i always says, once u r my fren, u will always b..

afterall, being frens is about sincerity and faith..i lost too in friendship...i was hurt n i hurted ppl too but God loves me enough to give them back to me..now their friendships are truly gold..

our friendship is a gift from God
there shall be no battles that can't be won
u shall never be alone
for there are us who will always be there
with supports as armours
and love as swords..

i write for myself, in life when there's so many ups and downs, so many obstacles to go through.. i write to encourage myself and hopefully to be able to encourage others as well.. i learn to be strong, and i learn to have faith cause i believ no one can put me down but myself..

in life

i cherish,
i treasure,
i appreciate..

in return
i fall,
i tumble,
i was hurt..

But
i never surrender - tash

p/s:It's been really long since i penned the last phrase..

20 people you can think of ..

am suppose to do this looooooong time ago but aiyo lazy la...but anyway, from nee nee..here u go..

Name 20 people you can think of (randomly)

1. ping
2. sa
3. wendy
4. elly
5. soo ean
6. clare chan
7. joey tan
8. limei
9. rachel
10. cyen
11. smarty
12. lly
13. chu
14. chloe
15. darlene
16. siewling
17. nee
18. yuki
19. qing qing
20. weileng

How did u meet #14? (chloe)
at uni, wasai this girl kakaka she's a real fun to talk to.. we can really chat from religion to movies, books, frenship to etc etc.. man she's my potter mate!

What would your life be if u haven't meet #1? (ping)
i would not know what is the meaning of happiness and being loved entirely..

What would u do if #20 and #9 dated? (weileng& rachel)
muahahahahaha impossible!!! weileng so soft, rachel is our head of s*h*y department..kenot la, won't work for sure..kakaka

Would #6 and #17 make a good couple? (clare chan & nee)
nola, two girls where can?? plus clare only likes male n nee got too many males to reject so won't la..

Describe #3. (wendy)
this cha bor a..buddy, a sis since primary sch, she suffered short term memory loss cox she nevr remember what happened during primary, every movement of her very lady like, sometimes feel like punching her..then a laughing machine, only know how to laugh, but deffinately a sweet, soft n kind hearted girl..

Do you think #6 is attractive? (clare)
deffinately!!!! clare chan li mei leh..wasai my angel, of cox la! like chocolate, sweet inside out.. :)

Tell me something about #8.(limei)
happily married, one with a soft heart and soft voice..caring, sentimental and she's someone who cherish her friendship..helpful, funny, gila and gal i miss our 'walking days' leh~

Do you know anything about #12’s family? (lly)
normal family lol with dad, mum, bros..she's the youngest..her bro all very keng one leh but to me she is the best!!!!she has what i call inner beauty that shines on the outside..truly cares for her frens!thanks girl~ u know i'l b there for u too.. :)

What is #7's favourite? (joey tan)
pan leng leng..hehehe she love laughing..sometimes i think she's a bit nuts..

What would you do if #11 confesses that he/she likes you? (smarty)
muahahahaha smarty wor!!! sure sure but she so blur la~ i prefer someone who has his own thinking..not an ah blur like her la~~ but if force can also la, she's very cute too kekeke and to all d guys out there...she's d nicest gf u can find cox she dun get emotional easily..a very understanding gf, a gf that doesn't know how to argue as well...so its a sure win case ;)

What language does #15 speak? (darlene)
internet chat room language! kakaka she chat actively online u know so much so that i thought in real life she's a evry serious person..but after knowing her more, man she's a fren u would treasure til the end..

Who's #9 going out with? (rachel)
her bf la!!! ah piew!!!!

How old is #16? (siew ling)
24, older than i am kakakkaa of cox i remember!! she is so gonna kill me~

When was the last time you talked to #13? (chu)
last 2 week i think..yam char ma..we always make sure we all turn out for d 'meeting' cox there is where we share our 'working shits' together kekeke

Who’s #2’s favourite singer? (sa)
a lousy singer name dendevil..hehehe nola actually sa me not very sure leh~paiseh la, but i know if den got album u r for sure his biggest fan!

Would you date #4? (elly)
of cox, a very charming girl..very sweet n pretty girl, can b soft n independent at the same time, love her bf for sure so if we date she sure love me kakakaka moreover, we have the same thinking cox we r both pieces..

Would you date #7? (joey)
of cox!!! funny, witty, deffinately one that will drive me crazy..she makes my life colourful..moreover, i do think she's a sweet gf..sweet in a very funny way kakaka

Is #15 single?(darlene)
y ask me ?? ask darlene la!! i won't tell ppl u r NOT single k!!

What is #10’s last name?(Cyen)
Chan la!! abur??

Would you consider being in a relationship with #19? (qing qing)
why so many ques about will i date who n who punya wasai..my list all girls la~ but with qing qing of cox!! she's d perfect type of "yin leong sun tak""yin chai leong mou"...she's the girl u wanna marry with cox she's soft n yet can b very crazy as well..so wat else do u wan??

What schools did #3 go to? (wendy)
srk convent, seafields a?

Where does #6 live? (clare chan)
taiping la!! but she has a place in my heart too :)

What is your favourite thing about #5? (soo ean)
a fren that understand me very very well...one that i can b frank all d time :)

Wat do you think about #13? (chu)
crazy, funny n deffinately helpful.. :)

What do #4 and #19 have in common? (elly & qing qing)
Oh shit, both of them r so gonna kill me~~ hehehe they both have a very tan coloured skin, sweet, soft spoken and funny too hehehe but they dun know each other..

What special qualities does #17 hold in your life? (nee)
d craziest girl ever that i met..salute man, sometimes i wonder if she's..u know..'normal' kekekeke

What is the most memorable memory you had with #18? (yuki)
wasai..a lot leh...every moment is memorable with her cox like nee, she's a nutty as well...perhaps, nee's bday at qing's place..we went to swim even when it is raining..hehehe

done!

work to be poor..

when i was a student;

1. i spent without worries cox i have my parents n ptptn
2. i watch movies every weekend cox i have my student card with me..the cinema is not always packed and the q on weekdays is forever shorter than weekend..
3. i sing "K" whenever i feel like it, cox lunch K is always the best!!
4. i travel all the way to sunway to have steamboat jus bcox of the to-die-for-chicken wings..okok i admit the leng chai boss's son too hehehe
5. i can plan for holiday with family, bf n frens...i have all the annual leaves that i wan..
6. i can ponteng class whenever i feel too sleepy..
7. i have the latest mobile hp (though not the most expensive n high-tech one)..yet i can afford to change it as i wish
8. i walked into a shop, promoters look up upon me bcox they know students are rich, student can spend..student wil spend jus to have fun..
9. when i buy clothes displayed under discounted area, promoters feel fine cox we r students..discount is meant to help us the "poor but actually rich" students..
   

now that i am working;

1. i spent within my budget (though still exceed abit) but i did keep reminding myself that i have to spend wisely ..
2. now that i am working, i missed out a lot of movies simply bcox i can't afford to go for a RM 10-RM12 per show every weekend compared to Rm 6 student price..moreover, the q is soo long during weekend..
3. when was the last time i sing K since i work?weekend K is soooo expensive...
4. when was the last time i have steamboat at sunway, now that i am staying so far away..
5. the only holiday that i am planning for is the one when i have saved enough money and my holidays is restricted to "annual leave"..but guess it'l b realli far ahead from now..
6. since working, i had officially broke off with "ponteng"...
7. damn, the secondary boy sitting next to me has the latest nokia while me?? aiks..mine dun even have infra-red...
8. i walked into a cake shop @ times square hotel, bloody idiot thought i wanted a discount on a discounted cake simply bcox i flashed my jusco card to collect points! damn u, u think i can't afford to pay??? damn insulting.
9. promoters do not think i am entitled to discount products simply bcox i am an working adult...fuck u! then, dun display them under "S-A-L-E"!!! i hate those glances..

i realli wonder, i am working, i am suppose to b richer but how come i seems to be poorer than ever?

there seems to be so many things that i need to pay for..room rental, transports, foods, clothes, make-ups, facial care,bags, shoes, etc etc.... luckily there's no car loan, house loan, insurance (yet) worse still, every month, i will "phor choi"..guess the more u care about yr money, the faster it will go away...damn!

i miss being a student..a rich one in fact..

p/s: ain't very lucky since i move to cheras..lady luck pls come bk to me~~~
gotta clean my fish bowl this week, gotta rearrange the fengshui in my room...