good night sleep

for the first time in 10 months..i actually slept well last night..

No turning side to side, no switching from one end of the bed to another..

No waking up in d middle of the night with tears rolling down the cheeks..

No no thinking of thousands of reasons to stay in bed and not going to work in the morning..

I had a good night sleep last night..

:)

wat is left by little sq~

little green alien by cousin sis for xmas..





a mahjong card set xmas present that it is a must for me to get through luckydraw..gift by laiyee~hehe


books by ping for xmas~




the last pic already look blurry...

above are the last few pictures took using the little nokia sq that has been following me since i was in my uni years..

it has bid goodbye to me last week as the specialist says, it can't be rescued and it is it's time to go......it has served well..

well done, sq~ i shall miss all our good times..thanks for everything..

p/s: *sign* need to spend again to get another good cam...how.....

sunway lagoon...

when was the last time u visted sunway lagoon?


hehe i enjoyed mine because i have them wit me... thanks guys.. :)

jus a note..

this photo was taken last few weeks with Edmond Leung..he is d sweetest, most humble, down to earth and truly friendly artiste I've ever met, he do not classified you as a crew but as someone in a team with him..he do not classified you as a passer by but he took the initiative to acknowledge your present by remembering you and meeting your eyes whenever he talked not only to his own hk crews but including us too....remember how I praised Harlem Yu sometime ago..yea, Edmond is unbelievely nice!..he's on top of my chart now hahahaha but of cox it doesn't mean the rest are not as good as he is just that he really am nice and worth every credits given to him.. :) hahaha m gonna get his cd for him to sign for his coming concert at genting with ronald cheng...must support him la~~

Oh yea, i met Jacky Cheung as well as a fan and not part of the crew...wat a waste..if only my company gets to be the organizer for his coming concert...am so excited to c hi and yes though as a " kor san" he is indeed profeesional and extremely friendly, humble, nice and funny hehehe..i manage to c him upclose and even shook hand with him and get his album signed..hehehehe i realli sounds like a fan hehehehe i met my junior Shinsar at the meet the fans at sg wang kekeke so next time where there is stars, there is shinsar kekeke it ryhms man...hehehe btw i went there with another crazy fan of jacky,eechia... :)

how i wish i can post a pic of my cd here but my camera has officially pronouced "dead" last week when i took it to the specialist..haih...my handphone is sending signals of "dying" soon too...no money la!!dun give up first can a??? am struggling in between getting a camera and a handphone...aha! u must be thinking i can get a handphone with camera function, but they dun usually come with the "focus" or other special functions as camera has...so am thinking to get either one...am still thinking...

oh back to the exact point that i actually wanna highlight in this post kekeke...c the different between the date i took pic with edmond and vanness wu..hahhaa vanness wu pic was 3 weeks back before i took pic with edmond kekeke..

Jus wanna post it about it cause i looked realli round at that time..kekeke



vanness is ok as well but a bit quiet and i wasn't truly a fan of f4 so ok lol..not bad...

jus ignore this..

for no practical reason i am not feeling too good today as i woke up...nothing seems to be going well thought nothings seems to really GONE BAD either..but seriously i can't realli recal when was the last time i actually felt burden lifted and trully happy..

mayb it's just because of myself entirely, i was not happy with this and that..at the same time i can't figure out what i actually wanted in my life..if only i can see or even picture what lies ahead for me..or what is my goal, my aim, my wishes..i hate living in doubt...yes, my blog has eventually become a place where i rant mostly about unhappy things which is bad...i know things are not good..temper has been getting from bad to worst..i dun like who i am nowadays..spare me pls..

i wanted to find somthing to do, to do something that i truly like, somehting that will paint a smile on my face...i used to love rearranging my room,cleaning, packing, sewing and reading..yes i sound like a "yellow face lady" but now mayb because of work, i find it hard to find that sort of energy again to continue my interest...

i love dancing, dancing makes me happy apart from helping me to lose weight..hehehe am toying with the idea to go for a dancing class but again the fees and the idea of going alone ain't realli encouraging..God, what i wanna do with my life???? must realli try to discover my happiness from another source soon or else this blog is soooo gonna die from depression..

sorry for my blog no longer bring happiness but ranting, i know it is frustrating.,i promise to find back myself soon for the sake of the ppl around me and for the sake of myself too... no worry, i know, i can identify and i am aware of my problems.. shall sort it out asap.. God, i pray and ask for the courage and please show me your way..

hate it whenever "aunty" came for a visit..she always manage to screw up my mind, emotion and body.. man, i need a rest..

Dear all, excuse me if i sound like i am complaining this and that about my life but hopefully this is jus another phase of my life..shall grow out of it it soon..i hope...jus ignore it k, am jus ranting to get it out from my system..no worry..

I WANNA CHANGE!!! I WANT SOMETHING NICE,HAPPENING AND MEANINGFUL AGAIN IN MY LIFE!!! I WANT MY OLDSELF BACK!!!!!
THERE!!!!

a call

i received a call this morning..

me: hello

ds: hello, is that tasha?

(ain't u suppose to say, good morning, may i speak to tasha pls?make sure the good morning and PLEASE are there..that's d basic courtesy one must have especially when you are not talking to your fren and yes, especially when that person have not even the slightest idea why you called and who the heck are you. )

me: yes i am, wat can i do for you?

ds: my name is ds and i'm connie's colleague.

(ain't u suppose to say, hi , my name is ds .I'm calling from xxx magazine, and i am connie's colleague. Connie gave me your phone number and perhaps you can help me to do a simple street interview. First, she din explain who she is, second she din mention where is she from and lastly the big prob is, if it is a street interview, y r u calling me? i'm obviously in the office not on the street. Plus, how sure are you that i only have a fren by the name connie??)

me: ok...then?

ds: will you be going to sunway pyramid this sat?

me: i might be going to sunway lagoon with my frens but not to the pyramid.

ds: then can you pls bring as many frens as you can?

(ain't u suppose to say, I will be doing a street interview at sunway pyramid and i was wondering if you will be there this sat?

i think wat she actually meant was not street interview but rather a focus group...because she needs to know the number of frens tat i will be bringing for her to prepare her stuff.. if it is street interview, you jus have to do it LIVE, there's no one to call, make appointment with ppl and lastly instruct them to go all the way to sunway jus to let you do the interview with NO CHARGE AT ALL..
moreover, i do not OWE you any damn favor and so do my frens..my frens and I have no obligation to go to pyramid jus to meet up wit you and especially when you can't differentiate between focus group n street interview......or perhaps it is a street interview then it is your job to make it clear and explain to me at the very beginning on y you choose to call, make appointment and etc with interviewee and this is actually the process of what you mean by street interview)

me: huh?!! bringing my frens too?

ds: yes, what time will you be there? can you give me a specific time?

me: i'm not sure wat time we will go there, so i can't confirm with you on the time.

ds: but at least can you give me a time?

me: miss, i can't confirm d time for u as i said, i dunno wat time i'l be there..

ds: then i will be there around 10am and will stay for about 1-3 hours. y dun u call me when u r there?

(ain't you suppose to say, i will be there around 10am and will stay for about 1-3 hours but i will give you a call on sat morning to see if you will be somewhere around sunway at that time. Perhaps i can come and find you...

note, you dun ask an interviewee to call u, u call up to the interviewee bcox u r asking for a favor, u should do follow-up with your case..i dun mind helping, infact i wil try to help as much as i can bcox they are my fren's colleague, my fren's frens are my frens 2.....i have experiences helping my fren's colleague for interview too but if this is d way u r asking for a help..then forget it..sorry to my frens, u guys are great but i jus dun think i can help your fren..paiseh ya~)

me: huh?! call u? y dun you call me?

ds: ....oh mayb i'l call you again on sat.

me: ok, bye.

if this girl is to be in my so-called hell office, or even as my junior..she will not look good, trust me...

btw, i thought she is just a trainee but i jus happens to find out that the girl is actually an editor..

p/s: perhaps i've left the world of journalism too long...i no longer understand the process and style of it..so if i am wrong, please forgive me.. but, my stand is, i still think she should have explain more..

p/s 2: this is no good, my job has caused me to develope a bad habit which i call " the tendency to correct ppl and found that silly mistakes irritates me big time" ..

thanks to ah wong from my office..nowadays, keeping my temper and patient is getting harder..poor editor..but again those mistakes can hardly be accepted especially when they are from someone who is so rich with experiences, logically speaking..that's my stand.

p/s 3: to my frens, i hope i'm not to harsh on this..pls know that if it is within my ability, my help will always be available for you guys..unless, u know..like this case..

same dream

since last week i've been having nightmares..nightmares that leaves me awake and disturbed at night...sleeping has eventually becoming something that i dun look forward these few days especially tonight.. i'm afraid of falling asleep, entering the dream, the same dream that had been continously played every night as if it was a series of drama..

in my dreams everything seems so dark and everything seems so dead..i have an uneasy feeling throughout the dream and i heard people calling my names...i tried to wake up but again my dreams seems too real that i can't seems to leave my dream..i told Monica about the nightmare that's been disturbing me endlessly..Monica is my colleague..

in my dream, i saw this little chinese girl..she was about 6 years old and she has her hair tightly banded into a ponytail and she wore a white dress with white lace stoking and white shoes..i'm not sure if i had ever see this girl before, but for unknown reason i was angry at her...she seems to know me and realise that i was angry but she looked calm..she has this pair of piercing eyes that looked straight through me, sending a shiver down my spine..

i guess, i was angry, i was really angry because i was afraid..i was really afraid..

every night, i saw her running in a building and i was chasing her but i don't why...until last night..i finally saw the building..it has a big field in front with old cars parked distantly from one and another..the sky looked gloomy and as though it was about to rain, there were wind blowing and the place, the building and the cars looked old as though it has been left for a very long long time.....there was no one there except for the girl and last night she pointed to a direction that left me frozen...i saw the sign of "hospital"..

i was at a hospital...and someone just died. i was realli afraid, i dreamt about coffins and dead people before but last night it was really real..i wanted to wake up but i can't..i just can't..then i heard my name again...then i woke up..rachel called me...it was already 9am today and i need to follow her to damansara height to do my passport..

i feel so uneasy..

just as i was typing this post, trying to figure out who is the little girl..at the corner of my eyes, i saw a white shadow ran across in the mirror and this is not the first time..

she has been visiting.

heart vs brain

have you ever wonder how strong can you be? what is the limitation to your patient? are you bad tempered? are you a panic freak?

i'm an emotional junk..i absorbed all kinds of emotional strongly..i cried when i'm unhappy..i shed tears easily..i laughed when i'm happy, i go crazy easily..i live my life with my heart and not with my brain..i dun think much as i always believe feel it wit your heart and you will hear what your heart tells you..sometimes, we ignore what our hearts tells us as our brain has been formatted in such a way that we ought to think and act rationally..

i hate it when my brain sounds louder than my heart..

dun mind me..i'm just rambling out of boredom..

things will be fine..

the sunlight from my window woke me up today, i dun feel good..i feel depressed infact.. i dun talk much recently, i guess i was speechless..there seems nothing worth to be talked about..i feel like a dead body waking up every morning, going to the hell office that i hold such a strong hatred and grudge against it..where is my soul? where are all my thoughts? where are those hopes and imaginations that motivates me to work hard and continue to stay strong and braved through all those disasters moments in the office?

the sound of children laughing and splashing water from the swimming pool next to my block greets me morning..how i wish i can be a kid once more where life seems less complicated..last night it was the same, i heard some kids were talking and joking downstairs..the sound of see-saw and swings..they seems to be having fun there..

things will be fine..

hope things will be fine for you too...

apologies for not being able to update as frequent as possible..

life is in a mess
or rather in a turning point.
life is uncertain now
i need some time..
cause only time will pass
will bury and will clear all the tears.

re-adjusting my life piriority
perhaps in that way
things will be hopeful and beautiful once again..

at times, perhaps is the dream that we which to achieve
that makes life seems worthwhile to fight for
that gives us a secret energy to hold on and be strong under all circumstances

when dreams are shattered
hopes are gone
as cruel as it sounds
life still goes on..

i just need time
to dream again
to be hopeful again..

no worry, i'l be alright
i just need some time..